Only best friends.....

...would have conversations like these. And only mine would be stupid enough to share them with me knowing I have a blog.

Text 1: I have cramps so bad I want an epidural.

Text 2: Want me to seduce an anesthesiologist for you?

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Text 1: My uterus feels like it's going to fall out of my butt.

Text 2: Owwwww....take pictures!

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Text 1: Ugh, I need to poop.

Text 2: Oh, crap. That's shitty.

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Text 1: Finally pooped! Thank goodness for Poopberry juice!

Text 2: Wahoooo! Betcha feel better. :)

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This one I've had sitting in drafts for a couple of days and am so glad I waited. This is between a friend of mine and her boyfriend. I changed their names because I'm such a good friend.

Angel and Chris were sitting in bed watching TV. All of a sudden Chris jumped out of bed and started looking around frantically.

Chris: Son of a bitch!

Angel: What's wrong?

Chris: I just got bit by an ant!

Angel: Where?

Chris: On my balls......twice!

Angel: (stifling a laugh) Are you okay?

Chris: No! ON MY BALLS!

Over the next two days Angel asked about Chris's bites to see if he was feeling better. It's a darn good thing she was sympathetic instead of sarcastic.....

Two nights after Chris got bit.....

Angel: Oh, huh uh!

Chris: What?

Angel: That is so uncool.

Chris: What?

Angel: I just got bit!

Chris: Where?

Angel:

Chris: Where?

Angel: (pointing between her legs) Right there!

Chris: Does it itch?

Angel: No! But it freakin' stings!

Chris: Guess that means no sex tonight.

Angel: (glares)

You gotta love Florida during the rainy season. Even the smallest creatures are looking for shelter...including horny ants!