Suddenly Siblings

I told you about my moms. I told you about my dads. What’s next? My siblings! I'm touching on this topic in between fitness/weight loss posts because this time last year, I was given the names of my birth parents after a 17 year search.

For 33 years, I had two older sisters whom I love very much. Although we were not very close, I knew that if I ever needed them, they would be there for me, and vice versa. If I needed advice, I knew they would give it to me. If I wanted to be annoying, I'd go out to the pool where they were with all their friends and look oh-so-adorable. We fought for the front seat (before air bags and seat belt laws), did the "Mooooom, she's looking at me!" at breakfast, played license plate ABC's on vacations, and spent countless hours at the beach. Me and my 2 sisters.

We are all grown up with kids of our own now. They are both very supportive of me finding my biological families. Although I now have new siblings, my adopted sisters will always be my real sisters. I will always love them, my 3 nephews and niece very much.

The number of siblings, nephews, and nieces changed a year ago. The day I met my biological mom, I also met her 2 daughters & my 1/2 sisters. After chatting for a few hours, the older one asked if Carson would be interested in being the ring bearer in her wedding. A few minutes later, she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was so touched and said "Yes" immediately. Since I never allowed myself to think beyond my bio mom opening the door, I never allowed myself to think if I'd be accepted by my 1/2 siblings (which I think of as whole, not half).

My little sister was quiet that day and was just taking everything in. My sisters didn't know about me until earlier that day. I also met my niece and my almost brother-in-law. The baby was still growing in the older sister's belly at the time (I was on speaker phone when he came out, though!). It was such a surreal moment meeting my biological mother, step-dad, and their daughters – my family by blood.

The only sibling missing that day was my brother who was at a wedding with his wife. My poor brother had no idea his new 1/2 sister was meeting the whole family until he came home the next day. Minutes after our mom showed him my letter he was on the phone anxious to speak with me, a complete stranger! We spent at least 30 minutes chatting non-stop. My kids were growing antsy, though, as we were at the Aquarium in downtown Tampa. As much as I hated to, I had to hang up with my little brother (well, not little since he towers over me). Also, I can't leave out my biological step-sister (are you confused yet?) and her two beautiful daughters who I met last September at the wedding.

So, here's the totals so far: 4 sisters, one step-sister, 1 brother, 2 nieces, 4 nephews (1 from Hubby's sister), and 2 step-nieces.

Then there are my bio dad's children. He told his daughter about me and she immediately added me to her friends list on MySpace (as did my other sisters and brother). She invited me to her wedding (which, sadly I had to miss) and we got to know each other through hundreds of MySpace messages and pictures. She even asked my opinion on baby names before she had her son! My bio dad also has two sons. I haven't had the opportunity to get to know either of them as the youngest is usually working when I'm in town and the other is in the Marines. My bio dad emailed his oldest son around April Fool's Day. He thought it was a good joke, suddenly having an older sister pop up...surprise! It wasn't. I hope that one day we will find time to sit down and talk and get to know each other.

So the grand total for siblings and their kids (my brother on my bio mom's side had a baby, too): 6 sisters, 3 brothers, 1 step-sister, 2 nieces, 7 nephews, and 2 step-nieces. Whew! I think I got everybody.

I could never see past finding my biological parents – two people. I never imagined all the biological family members that I would also get to meet one day. In the end, I now have more sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews… who are all real to me.

Slacker Fattie Tip – If you have kids, take them outside to play, and play with them. It's great exercise and a wonderful bonding experience. If you don't have kids, borrow someone else's. Just remember to give them back when you're finished.

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – Try this sandwich from fitnessmagazine.com....yum

my!
Herbed Cheese & Tomato Sandwich

Ingredients:
* 6 ounces low-fat cottage cheese
* 1 garlic clove, minced
* 2 tablespoons chopped fresh chives
* Dash of salt and pepper
* 1 whole-grain bagel
* 4 slices tomato
* 1 orange
Place cottage cheese in blender and puree until smooth. Stir in garlic, chives, salt, and pepper. Spread mixture on bagel and top with tomato slices. Eat with orange.

Dad cubed

Yesterday I shared with you about both of my moms. Today, I thought I'd share with you about my dads. All 3 of them.

Daddy is my real dad. He's the one who took me fishing under the Eau Gallie bridge. He’s the one who let me snuggle with him in his recliner that only he sat in. He's the dad who cheered me on at soccer games and quietly took pictures of me at my dance recitals. Daddy is the one who taught me how to ride a bike and drive a car. He's the one who rushed me to the ER when I got in my 2nd car accident (neither were my fault). He's the dad who taught me to flip my head over when I was blow drying my hair, it was quicker (a tip I've since passed onto my daughters).

Daddy is the one who gave me away on my wedding day even though as we stood at the top of the stairs I said, "Daddy, don't give me away." After 16 years of marriage, he's still my Daddy. He's the dad who was happy and proud each of the 5 times I made him a Bubby (grandpa). He's the dad who, like my mom, knew what Hubby and I were going through when we lost Jacob. He's the dad who
wanted a little girl so much after losing his own son. Daddy is the dad who still lets me snuggle on his lap in his recliner (not the same one) that only he sits in. He's also the dad who reads to my children in that same chair. He's my real Daddy.

Then there's my biological dad. He's the dad who sent me an email minutes after he received the letter I sent him letting him know who I was. He's the dad who said these first words to me that I'll never forget – "I've been wondering for the last 5 years if I would receive a letter like this." No words can express the joy in my heart knowing he'd thought of me. He's the dad who has learned to accept my hugs because I'll never stop giving them. He's the one who drove 2 1/2 hours so I could spend our first Father's Day with him and drove another 2 1/2 hours to watch Kelly perform at a football game, then take my family out to lunch the next day. He's the dad who sneaks money to my kids knowing they love him even if he didn't spoil them. My bio dad is the dad who wants to get to know me unlike so many biological dads and he's real, to me.

Then there's my step-dad. Well, he is my biological step-dad. He's the dad who isn't technically my dad in any way but accepted me as his daughter from the moment my bio mom received my letter. He's the dad who loves me as he loves his daughters, my sisters. He's the dad who pokes fun at me just like my other dads. He's the one who greets me with a hug like I've been in his life all along. He's the dad who, 3 months before my letter came, agreed to help my bio mom look for me without hesitation. He's the dad who calmed me down after my youngest sister got in a car accident coming home from visiting me. My step-dad is the dad who supported my mom when she told him about me and never judged her for the decision she made. He is my step-dad and is real, to me.

I am blessed to have 3 dads who all love me and care about me. Most adoptees are very lucky to find their biological mothers. Some are lucky to be accepted. Few ever find or are accepted by their biological fathers. This is another reason mine is a Fairytale story.

Slacker Fattie Tip – If you gain back some of the weight you lost this is not an excuse to throw in the towel. Use it, instead, as motivation to work harder. A week and a half ago I gained back 3 pounds. It made me mad and I fought hard to lose it, as well as another pound.

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – Have chicken and veggies for breakfast. I got tired of eating egg whites and oatmeal so I tried this. Who said you had to eat chicken only for dinner? It's your meal plan (remember, not diet, meal plan). You decided what you eat and when, no matter how weird people think you've become.

Blessed

A life-changing event occurred a year ago although I can't believe that much time has gone by already. It was something I never thought would happen. I dreamt about it, wrote about it, cried about it and was angry about it. A year ago today, I had no idea my life was about to change forever.

A year ago today, I was still spending countless hours on the computer searching for my biological mother. I had what is called "non-identifying information" but I wanted more. I knew what color hair she had (brown, like mine), what color eyes she had (hazel, like mine), what her build was (medium height and weight, like mine). I knew what year she was born and what area of the country (Southern Gulf Coast state was as specific as DCF would get). I knew how old she was when she had me, what religion her family was, that she had a little brother and that her dad was in a branch of the Armed Forces (Air Force).

What I didn’t know was her name. I didn’t know if she was married. I didn’t know if she had more kids and if they knew about me. I did not know if she ever thought about me.

When I would tell people that I was adopted, the first question they would ask is, "Do you want to find your real mom?" I knew who my real mom was. She's the woman who tucked me in at night. The one who kissed my hundreds of scrapes and bruises during my tomboy phase. She's the woman who read me stories every night and fixed me breakfast every morning. She's the one who yelled at me when I was in trouble and held me when I got my heart broken. She's the one who sat up worrying until she heard my car pull safely in the driveway and saw me walk unharmed through the front door. She's the one responsible for who I am today and who listens to me apologize for the person I used to be while I was growing up. The one who helped me get ready the day I got married. My real mom is the woman who squeezed my hand and cried with me when I buried my son, knowing exactly how I felt because she'd buried her own. Barbara IS my real mom.

A year ago, I found my other mom. My biological mom. The mom who was forced to give me to a family who could take care of me because she was unable to take care of me herself. She was the one who nurtured me and cared for me as I grew inside her womb. She's the one who had to leave the hospital empty-handed and brokenhearted. She's the woman who had to make one of the hardest decisions of her life. She's the woman who, I now know, thought of me every day. Who never stopped loving me. The woman who wanted to find me as much as I wanted to find her. My biological mom is, after finally meeting her, real to me.

I feel very fortunate. Not all adoptees are placed in such loving homes. Not all adoptees are accepted wholeheartedly by their biological moms. I have the best of both worlds. I was blessed with a Fairytale adoption story. I am blessed to be loved by 2 moms.

To be continued.....

Slacker Fattie Tip – When you're cleaning or folding laundry, put on some music. Plug your iPod into your head or play the radio. Listen to your favorite CD. Most importantly, dance. Dance like you've never danced before. No one's watching so live it up. I work up a sweat, get my housework done and have fun doing it.

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – Although cheese is not on my meal plan, I allow myself to have it once a week melted over steamed veggies. It's only 60 calories and keeps me from eating a slice of pizza when my kids order out.