...would have conversations like these. And only mine would be stupid enough to share them with me knowing I have a blog.
Text 1: I have cramps so bad I want an epidural.
Text 2: Want me to seduce an anesthesiologist for you?
Text 1: My uterus feels like it's going to fall out of my butt.
Text 2: Owwwww....take pictures!
Text 1: Ugh, I need to poop.
Text 2: Oh, crap. That's shitty.
Text 1: Finally pooped! Thank goodness for Poopberry juice!
Text 2: Wahoooo! Betcha feel better. :)
This one I've had sitting in drafts for a couple of days and am so glad I waited. This is between a friend of mine and her boyfriend. I changed their names because I'm such a good friend.
Angel and Chris were sitting in bed watching TV. All of a sudden Chris jumped out of bed and started looking around frantically.
Chris: Son of a bitch!
Angel: What's wrong?
Chris: I just got bit by an ant!
Chris: On my balls......twice!
Angel: (stifling a laugh) Are you okay?
Chris: No! ON MY BALLS!
Over the next two days Angel asked about Chris's bites to see if he was feeling better. It's a darn good thing she was sympathetic instead of sarcastic.....
Two nights after Chris got bit.....
Angel: Oh, huh uh!
Angel: That is so uncool.
Angel: I just got bit!
Angel: (pointing between her legs) Right there!
Chris: Does it itch?
Angel: No! But it freakin' stings!
Chris: Guess that means no sex tonight.
You gotta love Florida during the rainy season. Even the smallest creatures are looking for shelter...including horny ants!
when to howl back
1 week ago