...would have conversations like these. And only mine would be stupid enough to share them with me knowing I have a blog.
Text 1: I have cramps so bad I want an epidural.
Text 2: Want me to seduce an anesthesiologist for you?
Text 1: My uterus feels like it's going to fall out of my butt.
Text 2: Owwwww....take pictures!
Text 1: Ugh, I need to poop.
Text 2: Oh, crap. That's shitty.
Text 1: Finally pooped! Thank goodness for Poopberry juice!
Text 2: Wahoooo! Betcha feel better. :)
This one I've had sitting in drafts for a couple of days and am so glad I waited. This is between a friend of mine and her boyfriend. I changed their names because I'm such a good friend.
Angel and Chris were sitting in bed watching TV. All of a sudden Chris jumped out of bed and started looking around frantically.
Chris: Son of a bitch!
Angel: What's wrong?
Chris: I just got bit by an ant!
Chris: On my balls......twice!
Angel: (stifling a laugh) Are you okay?
Chris: No! ON MY BALLS!
Over the next two days Angel asked about Chris's bites to see if he was feeling better. It's a darn good thing she was sympathetic instead of sarcastic.....
Two nights after Chris got bit.....
Angel: Oh, huh uh!
Angel: That is so uncool.
Angel: I just got bit!
Angel: (pointing between her legs) Right there!
Chris: Does it itch?
Angel: No! But it freakin' stings!
Chris: Guess that means no sex tonight.
You gotta love Florida during the rainy season. Even the smallest creatures are looking for shelter...including horny ants!
11 Gifts that Empower Women and Girls
5 months ago