Thursday, April 9, 2009

I want to quit.......I refuse to give up

This was me this morning:

I want to quit. I really do. I'm so tired of counting calories, measuring portions, and eating healthy. I'm tired of trying to do three cardios in one day and never getting them all done. I'm tired of exercising, thinking of exercising, wishing I'd exercised more. I want to go back to eating what I want and sitting on my butt. I don't want to clean my house or do the endless piles of laundry. I hate this. I hate the struggle. Why does getting older have to suck so much? Where did the days go when I could sit by the pool in my size small bikini, drink a coke, and eat hot dogs and chips? When did my things double in size? Where did my bubble butt come from? Oh, wait, that's been there since I was a baby. Ok, then when did it get even bubblier? How did that muffin top get there?

This was my attitude this morning. This may seem similar to Slacker Fattie vs Skinny Bitch, but this is the struggle that I face every day. This is the struggle that everyone who is trying to lose weight deals with, everyday. Most people give up because it's hard. If it were easy, workouts would be called rest-ins. But it is work. It's hard work. Extremely hard. You have to want it bad enough to make the changes in your food choices and activities. Do I want it bad enough? Some days I do and some days I don't. This morning I wasn't just leaning on the "don't" side, I had jumped in head first. But that was an hour ago. As soon as I was finished telling myself that it was ok to quit, to give up, and to throw in the towel – I felt better.

So this is where I'm at now:

I refuse to give up. I'm tired of being fat (for me). I'm tired of not completing my 3 cardios a day. I'm tired of being lazy, of seeing the piles of laundry and dishes. I'm tired of feeling like a failure. I'm tired of cheating then feeling guilty. Getting older means I have to work harder to stay in shape. When I'm sitting by the pool in my bikini, I have to eat fruits and veggies with a glass of water. I can't let my thighs increase anymore, or my bubble butt. And that oh-so-attractive muffin top? It's gone. Yup, gone!

I took my kids to a theme park yesterday and it was chilly so I wore jeans. I noticed that they were looser in the legs and butt. Before putting my shirt on I looked in the mirror, no muffin top! Two months ago, I hated getting dressed to leave the house because none of my clothes fit right. My jeans were all too tight and looked horrible. I couldn't get my blouses buttoned and my t-shirts were all too snug. Most people would go buy bigger clothes. I refused to. I liked the clothes that I had and wanted them to fit again.

That is when I joined the weight loss competitions. I don't know if I'll win first prize for either Waist Watchers or Sexy by Summer, but I WILL win my body back. I WILL win back my self-esteem and self-confidence. I know I've said this before, but I need to say it whenever I fall off the horse – I want to do this. I need to do this. I can do this!

I don't know if I'll get in my 3 cardios today, but tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. Today, I'm concentrating on getting my house back in order. So I'm off to plug my iPod into my head and boogie down while cleaning up.

Slacker Fattie Tip – Sometimes you need to take a step back and reevaluate your life, your dreams, and/or your goals. It's ok to change them, just make sure you're making positive changes.

Sexy Meal Plan – The same goes for what you eat. Step back and look at what/how much you are eating. If you've stopped keeping a food journal you may need to start again. It's ok to change what you're eating as long as it's healthy.

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