Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Fell asleep at rock bottom, woke up to a cute hiney

Last night I feel asleep crying. I am so angry at myself and my behavior for the past 4 days. Since Friday I've eaten Cap'n Crunch, Subway, a hamburger with a bun, potato salad, Cap'n Crunch, chips and queso, meat loaf, pizza without the cheese (because I promised Melissa I wouldn't eat cheese), Cap'n Crunch, and French Onion soup (also without cheese). I also haven't done squat in terms of exercising.

Last week I was losing weight like there was no tomorrow. I was so proud of myself. For some reason I got it in my head that one bowl of cereal wasn't going to make a big difference. Then it was just 1/2 of a 6" sub. Then just a handful of chips and it all continued downward. The result? A gain of 2.6 pounds and feeling like shit. I had my body pretty much cleared out of toxins and in four days, I put them all back in. Was it worth it? Hell no! Last night I went to bed early because I felt so awful inside. Mostly because of what I'd eaten, but partly because I was so disgusted with myself (this is where my family calls/texts me to make sure I'm ok and not becoming obsessive). Last night I realized I was letting myself down. I was letting my family down after putting them through my OCD over what I was eating and exercising. I was letting Douglas down after all the time he invested in me. How many trainers continue to answer your texts and emails long after your last session? One?

This morning I woke up to a cute hiney 2 feet from my face. Two year old Maisie always seems to wind up back in my bed despite the number of times I put her in hers. She refuses to wear undies to bed and had on a nightgown last night. I open my eyes and there it is! Poor baby got my bubble butt. It's cute now, but she'll hate it when she gets older. I couldn't help but smile. I laid there after covering her up thinking of all the things I needed to get done today. I started to get overwhelmed as my ADD began consuming my thoughts. Then, Maisie rolled over and I looked at her cute little baby face – I started my thinking over again.

I got out of bed, changed out of my pj's (this in itself is a big accomplishment for this SAHM!), grabbed a load of laundry and shoved it in the washer, fed the dogs, fed the cats, and fixed my breakfast. In 20 minutes my alarm is going to go off to take my Adderall. Before that, a load of dishes will be washing in the dishwasher. After that, I'll be trying out my new Crunch Fitness Go Go Dancing DVD. Then I'll catch up on the 59 or so emails from the 9 to 5 Ladies (my 3 friends who email back and forth all day) and divide the playroom in to sections to clean. Before lunch I'll do my Tae Bo video (yes, we still own a working VHS player). Laundry will get washed, dried, folded, and PUT AWAY. The kitchen will be cleaned. The playroom will be organized. I'll remember to take my afternoon Adderall. Dinner will be put on the table at 5:00. Before I go to bed, I will have done my Core Rhythms DVD.

Today is a new day and I'm going to make it count. I have 36 days left until the end of the Waist Watchers competition and 75 days left until the end of Sexy by Summer. This is plenty of time to reach my goal. I can't afford to screw around anymore. There's no more time to waste. A lot of my new found motivation came from watching The Biggest Loser as I cried myself to sleep last night. To watch those people work out 6-10 hours a day, sweat profusely, and push themselves as far as they can is incredible inspiration. I can't move Douglas into my house (believe me, if I could I would). It's up to me to get myself up off my ass and do the work. It's up to me to push myself as hard as I can. My taste buds will suffer, my muscles will ache, and my knees will hate me. But my inner self will be elated at the end of all this. I'll be happy, healthy, and sexy as hell!

Well, I've finished my breakfast of Romaine lettuce and 1/3 can of tuna (I added ONE tablespoon of light dressing...shhhhh!) and I'm off go Go Go dance!

**UPDATE** Just got the post back from my editor and I wanted to add that the Go Go Dance DVD kicked my ass! Dishes are done, 3 loads of laundry are done, I took my Adderall, I'm off to eat another salad with tuna, then kick some Tae Bo butt!

Slacker Fattie Tip – She’ll return from time to time, that Slacker Fattie in you. It's up to you to send her packing again and release the Skinny Bitch. Have faith in yourself that you can send her off on another extended trip or a permanent move. I've sent my Slacker Fattie deep into the Amazon Rain Forest. May she get lost or fall in love with an Amazon Native and never return.

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – Eat your veggies. I've recently discovered that the detox cleanses are a waste of money. Eating lots of fruits and veggies that are high in fiber does the same thing. So save your $40 and hit the produce section hard!

1 comment:

  1. So proud of ya!! Way to turn it around. I love hearing the determination in your "voice".