Thursday, April 2, 2009

How I discovered I'd gotten too fat....for me

See that picture? Those are my jeans. I've had them for two years. They're size 5 Arizona Jeans that I got from Bealls while shopping for Kelly. They are stretchy and oh, so comfy. Or, at least they were. The first clue that they didn't fit anymore should have been when I acquired the oh-so-attractive muffin top. But no, I kept squeezing into them, not thinking too much about having to unbutton them when I sat down.

The second clue should have been when I popped the button off when I sat down and didn't unbutton them. But no – it took the third clue. Look closely to the butt of my favorite – once favorite – pair of jeans. Yeah, that's a hole. A big one. Right in the ass. You may notice small bits of black thread. That's where I tried to repair that giant ass hole – ummm, that didn't sound so great. Let's try this. That's where I tried to repair the giant rip in the back. Better? I used heavy duty thread and stitched it over three times.

I waited a week. Why? I don't know. Maybe I was thinking it would toughen, up like Gorilla Glue.

The day came for me to try them on and see if the stitch would hold. I'd lost 15 pounds and an inch off my butt so I thought, "What the hell?" That's 15 pounds since January, not in one week. I'm not on The Biggest Loser...yet. I pulled them on, zipped them up and buttoned them (somehow I managed to sew the button on, too). After 10 minutes of walking around and sitting down a few times, the button held. The stitching? Well, you see the results. The inspiration I got from these jeans has been twofold. First, is to get off my obviously fat ass and exercise so I can fit back into them comfortably (just not in public anymore). Second, to win Sexy by Summer so I can get that $500 shopping spree. I NEED that shopping spree! Not only do I need a new sports bra… but now I need new jeans, too.

Slacker Fattie Tip – If you notice your clothes are starting to fit a little snug, it's NOT ok to go buy bigger ones (unless you're prego, then feel free to shop away). Snug clothes means your shoveling food in your face and sitting on your fat butt – I seem to be in a sarcastic mood today, sorry.

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – I've said this before but it bears repeating. Portion control. That doesn't mean controlling your portions so they don't touch each other on your plate. This means that you don't need 2 giant pieces of chicken/steak/pork, etc. The amount of food a restaurant serves you is ridiculous. I've heard this in many different places: Cut your dinner in half and ask them to box up the other half. Save it for tomorrow's lunch (not a late night snack, you can't be THAT hungry!)

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