Sunday, March 29, 2009

My Fairy Tale

I was adopted at birth. I have two amazingly loving parents and two loving and supportive older sisters. But there was something missing. A hole. Deep in my heart.

When I turned 18, my parents took me to the lawyer that handled my adoption so we could find my biological parents. He said he couldn't help us. We had no idea what to do next or how to find them. So, my hole was still there. Sitting empty. Deep in my heart.

Fast forward to the 4th worst moment in my life. During a routine ultrasound in the 7th month of my second pregnancy, we were given wonderful news. It's a boy! A few minutes later, there was a problem. He's not growing like he should be. Three weeks later – the 3rd worst moment in my life. My baby, my little boy, was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. Hubby knew it wasn't from his side of the family because he knew his medical background. It was possible that it was a fluke, but I didn't know. Two weeks later – the 2nd worst moment in my life. My little Angel was placed in my arms, where he stayed (unless held by other friends or family) until he took his last breath. Four days later, the worst moment in my life, February 1997. I buried my Angel.

This experience lit a fire under me and fueled my desire to find a way to get my medical history. We went to court twice and were finally told that the state had to find my biological mom and get updated history. It was during this time I was told that I could receive non-identifying information. The day I received it, a small part of the hole filled in. I knew how old both of my biological parents were when I was born. I knew what they looked like and a tiny bit about their lives. Then, we waited. And waited. And waited. I registered with the ISRR and every free adoption reunion site I could find.

Searching is extremely emotionally exhausting. I could only search for so long before I had to take a break. Fast forward to February 2008. I was suffering from self-esteem issues and emotional issues that were related to the hole. Deep in my heart. I got back on the computer and back on Soaring Angels. An Angel on there remembered me from my last search. I know, now, that I was supposed to have been given my biological parents' names not long after I joined Soaring Angels the first time, about 4 years earlier. Within 2 weeks I received a phone call. I don't know who the woman was, nor do I care. She was the one who told me who my biological parents were. I wrote their names down and brought them to Hubby. I held it up and said, "This is them." Tears were streaming down my face.

I don't know how to describe what happened next. It was like a tornado of energy. I emailed three of the Angels that worked on my search and told them the names. I had just gotten an email from one of them with her phone number. I called her and was crying so hard she couldn't understand me. As soon as I was able to calm down enough to tell her about the phone call, she got on her computer and within minutes had my biological mom's address. I emailed my friend, Kris, to let her know and she asked if she could see what she could find out. The next two days, we all spent glued to our computers, searching for everything we could find. I wrote draft after draft, trying to find the right words to put in letters to the two people who I wanted so badly to meet. It was Easter, so I decided to wait until after the holiday to mail the letters. I wasn't sure how they would feel if the Easter bunny brought them an extra kid that Sunday.

I remember the day I mailed the letters. Reyna went with me to the post office. I had tears in my eyes as I sent them and got the tracking numbers. I spent the next two days refreshing the tracking pages to see where the letters were. Each time they stopped in a different destination, I posted an update on Soaring Angels and sent out emails. Finally, I was able to update that the letters were in the mail boxes.

This is where is gets a little weird. My biological mom and dad both went home for lunch that day. They both checked the mail that day (neither usually do). They both looked through the mail. They read my letters at the same time. My biological dad went back to work and sent me an email. I was on my computer when a little window popped up telling me I'd received an email from him. I just stared at it. When the window closed, I screamed, "HONEY! I got an email!" He came running and we read it together. That night I called him and we talked for over an hour. We tried to fill in as much information as possible in a short time. I learned I had 2 brothers and a sister. I had 2 aunts and grandparents. This was new to me as both my parents are only children and growing up I only had my dad's dad and mom's mom as grandparents. Then it was my biological mom's turn. We, too, tried to fit in a lot in an hour. I learned I had 2 sisters and a brother. I have an uncle and 2 grandparents.

A few days later, on Saturday, I met them both. My biological dad, Hubby, and I met at Shell's. I hugged him until he asked, "Is she ever going to let go?" We had an amazing lunch and talked non-stop the whole time. I brought my baby book for him to look at. Finally, we said goodbye, took a few pictures and I was off to meet my biological mom.

She opened the door and couldn't get to me fast enough. She wrapped me in her arms and the tears started. I met her husband and my sisters. We were only going to stay for a couple of hours. We didn't leave until 9 PM. We shared stories and pictures and more stories.

We discovered we lived 2 miles from my biological mom for 2 years (this was during the time we were going to court). I used to drive past their street all the time, never knowing my family was right there. One of my aunts worked at my high school in the library. I talked to her and had no idea she was my aunt. She and I were at the same funeral a few years ago. I looked right at her, never knowing I was looking at my aunt. My brothers all know each other. Both biological parents drive the same kind of car. Most of my siblings went to the same high school I went to. We were all right there, 10-15 minutes from each other my whole life.

Driving home that night, that hole, deep in my heart, was filled. I'd been accepted by both biological parents with open arms. My search was over. Best of all, I have complete support from my parents and 2 older sisters. They are all very happy for me that I've finally found what I'd been searching for. My life is complete.

No tips today. Just be happy.

5 comments:

  1. Your story brought tears to me. I've lost kin in Canada and I have no idea who my cousins are. So CONGRATS to you for finding your biological parents!

    I have a friend who was also adopted but she was more unemotional towards her biological parents (who weren't married). I sometimes half-wished she would contact her mum (it's not that she doesn't love her that she was given up for adoption). Asians seem to be more worried about how others feel but I told her if I was she, I would definitely look my mum or both parents up!

    I am guessing you are feeling way better and are much healthier than before. :) Keep believing natural wholesome untainted uncontaminated food is what your body prefers!

    My prayers are with you Kathyrn!

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  2. What a feeling to be able to finally fill that hole after all these years!

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  3. It's been absolutely indescribable! Thank you so much for reading My Fairy Tale. <3

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  4. What a wonderful ending! I'm so happy for all of you.

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