I need a new sports bra

I need a new sports bra…

Yup, you read that correctly. I need a new sports bra. I don't know where I got the one I have. One? Yes, one. And I'm working out every day? Yes. Since I have 4 kids, I do at least 12 loads of laundry a day so washing the sports bra everyday is no chore.

Oh, why do I need a new one? Not because this one is ratty. I'm actually surprised it has held up so long considering I bought it post-three kids and pre-two kids. I don't even remember where I got it. I do know it was on my last I'm-Gonna-Get-Sexy kick. I bought a workout wardrobe. The sports bra and some tight black hoochie shorts are all that's left. The tight black hoochie shorts were so no one could see up my not tight hoochie shorts.

Oh, so why do I need a new one? Not because it's ugly. It's actually a pretty color blue. Kind of like a light sky blue. I was in our Hootsy Tootsy mall recently (the one I have to dress up to go window shop in) and I passed by Bebe Sports store. Um, really? Women actually spend hundreds of dollars on one outfit that's just going to get stinky and sweaty? Oh, wait. This must be the store for the women who have tummy tucks and liposuction, then buy workout clothes to wear so other women (like me) think they've actually sweated to look like that. I think my workout clothes came from TJ Maxx or Marshall's. I bet once upon a time they were in Bebe but got rejected. S'okay. I don't mind paying $10 for what some Hootsy Tootsy paid $100 for. Plus, I actually sweat in mine. A lot!

Oh, so why do I need a new one? Because it's too damned tight! I don't know if it was always this tight and I just didn't realize it, or if it shrunk when Kelly borrowed it. And, no, it's not because I've gained weight. Even losing the 2 inches from my chest hasn't made it feel better. It's so tight that my ribs hurt after a while.

It was so uncomfortable earlier that I stuck my arms in my shirt to wrangle it off. Yes, I was too lazy to walk five steps to my room, take my shirt off, take the sports bra off, put my shirt back on and then walk the five steps back to the desk.

Carson, who's five, tried to lift up my shirt and asked, "Is there anything else in there?" I swat his hand away and told him no. He said, "I thought maybe there was something else in there" as he pats my boob. What is it with my kids whacking me in the boob? It's actually kind of funny because my friends who don’t have kids ask, "Isn't that annoying?" I ask, "What?" "Them hitting you in the boob." Hahaha! After all the kids I've had, I hardly even notice it anymore. It just comes with being a mom!

So, I'll let you know when I find a new sports bra. While I'm at it, I think I'll replace the rest of my bras as well. Maisie is 2 1/2 and I'm still wearing my nursing bras...and she quit nursing when she was three months old. I guess this means I need to work my ass off to win the Sexy by Summer contest so I can buy some non-nursing bras on my $500 Dillard's shopping spree! Yay!

As I just read this over (which I usually leave for my editor to do), I realized how much my ADD shows in my writing. I think I'll go back to letting my thoughts flow from my brain to my computer and send them off to be edited without re-reading them first. It irritates me to see my ADD in black and white (or blue and white as the case may be).

Slacker Fattie Tip –Try everything on before you buy it. Everything. Even undies (just make sure you have your own on!) As much as I hate trying things on, I hate getting home and finding that something doesn't fit even more. I hate returning things even more than that.

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – It's spring. Plant a garden, and then eat what you plant. I meant a vegetable garden, not flowers, though you can eat most of them if you wanted to. Hubby picked his first onion yesterday. Yay! No more buying onions! He also picked broccoli, brussel sprouts and collard greens. Get the steamer ready. Yum, yum!

Living with Adult ADD

I always felt that something in my head wasn't right. Well, there's a lot in there that isn't right, but I've come to find out some are not my fault.

I was sitting in the doctor's office with one of my kids (why and which one, I don't remember) and saw a sign on the wall. It said that if I could answer yes to the questions below, I should talk to my doctor about ADD. I read each of the five questions and answered yes to… all of them. All five? Wow. So when the doctor came in, I asked her about it. Her reply was, "You don't have ADD. You just have three children. It's normal."

Huh. What's normal about having a short attention span at 31? What's normal about not remembering why you walked into a room...several times a day? What's normal about forgetting that you put your kid in timeout? And why you put him/her in there?

I found this checklist while doing research:

Adult ADD Symptom Test:

If you experience more than 10 points on this adult ADD self symptom test, Attention Deficit Disorder is likely present.

• An internal sense of anxiety – I have this at times but it's not frequent.
• Impulsive spending habits – Money slips through my hands and often I don't remember what I bought.
• Frequent distractions during sex – I'm going to leave this one alone!
• Frequently misplace the car keys, your purse or wallet or other day-to-day items – I never know where my keys, phone, and glasses are even though I try hard to put them in the same place every time.
• Lack of attention to detail – It depends on what it is. When I color, which I love to do, I'm very detailed. On most other things, not so much.
• Family history of ADD, learning problems, mood disorders or substance abuse problems – One of my biological brothers has ADD and my biological mom and I both have mood disorders.
• Trouble following the proper channels or chain of commands – This one is very frustrating.
• An attitude of "read the directions when all else fails" – BIG TIME! If the directions are long or confusing, it seems easier to try it on my own first.
• Frequent traffic violations – Because I don't want to waste money, I try hard to drive correctly.
• Impulsive job changes – This happened when I used to work.
• Trouble maintaining an organized work and/or home environment – If you could only see my house on a day to day basis, it's not pretty.
• Chronically late or always in a hurry – Very true. And this isn't because I have 4 kids. I try hard to be organized but I find myself forgetting important things we need while we're out.
• Frequently overwhelmed by tasks of daily living – Like I said above, you should see my kitchen, laundry pile, and playroom.
• Poor financial management and frequent late bills – I can't balance a checkbook to save my life.
• Procrastination - I'll get to this one later. Seriously, I will… no, not right now. Later.
• Spending excessive time at work due to inefficiencies – I find so many things that need to be done that I wind up not getting anything done.
• Inconsistent work performance – See above.
• Sense of underachievement – I think my Self Esteem blog says it all.
• Frequent mood swings – Ask my family about this one. Can we say Lexapro?
• Trouble sustaining friendships or intimate relationships – I'm 35 and have less than 10 friends.
• A need to seek high stimulation activities – Which is why exercising gives me a natural high.
• Tendency toward exaggerated outbursts – Nu uh! Yeah, ask Hubby about this one.
• Transposing numbers, letters, words – SO frustrating! I speed read, too, which means I often have to go back and reread paragraphs because I missed something. I transpose numbers on a daily basis which is probably part of the reason I can't balance a checkbook.
• Tendency toward being argumentative – I am NOT! ‘nuff said.
• Addictive personality toward food, alcohol, drugs, work and/or gambling – This is probably why I gained 20 pounds in 4 months. And, I like my cocktails thank you very much! I am able to limit myself which is a very good thing.
• Tendency to worry needlessly and endlessly – This goes above and beyond the normal Mommy worrying.
• "Thin-skinned"- having quick or exaggerated responses to real or imagined slights – I'll just say that I'm extremely fortunate to have a patient and understanding husband.

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=238

I know pretty much everyone can relate to one or more of these. However, to relate to each and every one, and to the severity of which I relate, is very frustrating for me. When I was 8 months pregnant with Maisie, I went to counseling. I told my counselor that I tried to convince 2 doctors that I had Adult ADD. After two sessions, she agreed with me. I went to my family doctor and, though he was still very skeptical, he agreed to write me a prescription. The problem with that was I was pregnant. Then, I was nursing. So I was unable to see if the Adderall would help until several months later. I remember my doctor telling me that if I did have ADD, the medicine would work right away. I thought this meant in less than a week, you know, so it would have time to get in my system. So, I took one and then went about my day. Fifteen minutes – yes, minutes not days – I have an urge to clean the entire house in an hour! If that's not proof I have ADD,
I don't know what is!

I know that the Adderall would work much better if I would remember to take it twice a day. In fact, I've been off of it for a few months and just took one a little while ago. Oh, boy can I feel it kicking in right now! My Sony Ericsson 580i has 5 alarms on it. When I finish this post, I'll go set two of them to remind me to take the Adderall. Better yet, hang on while I do it right now...............ok, done!

I get the generic version, so I take 10 mg two times a day. Since it's an amphetamine, I can't get refills. I have to go to the doctor’s office every month, show my ID, and sign a copy of the Rx. If I lose it on the way to the pharmacy, I'm screwed. I also have to show my ID when I pick it up from the pharmacy. And no, don't ask me if I'll sell them to you. They're big on college campuses especially around exam time as they help you focus. I assured my doctor that I would be taking all of mine.

So, hopefully now that I'm back on Adderall, those things on that list up there will get better. Feel free to ask me every now and then if I remembered to take it and if it is helping.

Slacker Fattie Tip – If you feel strongly about something, sometimes you need to seek additional resources to get your point across. If I had allowed my doctors to brush me off, my family & I would still be miserable. I was persistent until I found someone who would listen to me and it has paid off.

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – If you change your current meal plan to healthy and then go back to eating unhealthy, be prepared to feel like crap. It's better to continue to eat healthy and find other ways of satisfying yourself instead of reverting back to comfort food. Trust me as your guinea pig. I've slipped a few times and it really is not worth it.

My Fairy Tale

I was adopted at birth. I have two amazingly loving parents and two loving and supportive older sisters. But there was something missing. A hole. Deep in my heart.

When I turned 18, my parents took me to the lawyer that handled my adoption so we could find my biological parents. He said he couldn't help us. We had no idea what to do next or how to find them. So, my hole was still there. Sitting empty. Deep in my heart.

Fast forward to the 4th worst moment in my life. During a routine ultrasound in the 7th month of my second pregnancy, we were given wonderful news. It's a boy! A few minutes later, there was a problem. He's not growing like he should be. Three weeks later – the 3rd worst moment in my life. My baby, my little boy, was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. Hubby knew it wasn't from his side of the family because he knew his medical background. It was possible that it was a fluke, but I didn't know. Two weeks later – the 2nd worst moment in my life. My little Angel was placed in my arms, where he stayed (unless held by other friends or family) until he took his last breath. Four days later, the worst moment in my life, February 1997. I buried my Angel.

This experience lit a fire under me and fueled my desire to find a way to get my medical history. We went to court twice and were finally told that the state had to find my biological mom and get updated history. It was during this time I was told that I could receive non-identifying information. The day I received it, a small part of the hole filled in. I knew how old both of my biological parents were when I was born. I knew what they looked like and a tiny bit about their lives. Then, we waited. And waited. And waited. I registered with the ISRR and every free adoption reunion site I could find.

Searching is extremely emotionally exhausting. I could only search for so long before I had to take a break. Fast forward to February 2008. I was suffering from self-esteem issues and emotional issues that were related to the hole. Deep in my heart. I got back on the computer and back on Soaring Angels. An Angel on there remembered me from my last search. I know, now, that I was supposed to have been given my biological parents' names not long after I joined Soaring Angels the first time, about 4 years earlier. Within 2 weeks I received a phone call. I don't know who the woman was, nor do I care. She was the one who told me who my biological parents were. I wrote their names down and brought them to Hubby. I held it up and said, "This is them." Tears were streaming down my face.

I don't know how to describe what happened next. It was like a tornado of energy. I emailed three of the Angels that worked on my search and told them the names. I had just gotten an email from one of them with her phone number. I called her and was crying so hard she couldn't understand me. As soon as I was able to calm down enough to tell her about the phone call, she got on her computer and within minutes had my biological mom's address. I emailed my friend, Kris, to let her know and she asked if she could see what she could find out. The next two days, we all spent glued to our computers, searching for everything we could find. I wrote draft after draft, trying to find the right words to put in letters to the two people who I wanted so badly to meet. It was Easter, so I decided to wait until after the holiday to mail the letters. I wasn't sure how they would feel if the Easter bunny brought them an extra kid that Sunday.

I remember the day I mailed the letters. Reyna went with me to the post office. I had tears in my eyes as I sent them and got the tracking numbers. I spent the next two days refreshing the tracking pages to see where the letters were. Each time they stopped in a different destination, I posted an update on Soaring Angels and sent out emails. Finally, I was able to update that the letters were in the mail boxes.

This is where is gets a little weird. My biological mom and dad both went home for lunch that day. They both checked the mail that day (neither usually do). They both looked through the mail. They read my letters at the same time. My biological dad went back to work and sent me an email. I was on my computer when a little window popped up telling me I'd received an email from him. I just stared at it. When the window closed, I screamed, "HONEY! I got an email!" He came running and we read it together. That night I called him and we talked for over an hour. We tried to fill in as much information as possible in a short time. I learned I had 2 brothers and a sister. I had 2 aunts and grandparents. This was new to me as both my parents are only children and growing up I only had my dad's dad and mom's mom as grandparents. Then it was my biological mom's turn. We, too, tried to fit in a lot in an hour. I learned I had 2 sisters and a brother. I have an uncle and 2 grandparents.

A few days later, on Saturday, I met them both. My biological dad, Hubby, and I met at Shell's. I hugged him until he asked, "Is she ever going to let go?" We had an amazing lunch and talked non-stop the whole time. I brought my baby book for him to look at. Finally, we said goodbye, took a few pictures and I was off to meet my biological mom.

She opened the door and couldn't get to me fast enough. She wrapped me in her arms and the tears started. I met her husband and my sisters. We were only going to stay for a couple of hours. We didn't leave until 9 PM. We shared stories and pictures and more stories.

We discovered we lived 2 miles from my biological mom for 2 years (this was during the time we were going to court). I used to drive past their street all the time, never knowing my family was right there. One of my aunts worked at my high school in the library. I talked to her and had no idea she was my aunt. She and I were at the same funeral a few years ago. I looked right at her, never knowing I was looking at my aunt. My brothers all know each other. Both biological parents drive the same kind of car. Most of my siblings went to the same high school I went to. We were all right there, 10-15 minutes from each other my whole life.

Driving home that night, that hole, deep in my heart, was filled. I'd been accepted by both biological parents with open arms. My search was over. Best of all, I have complete support from my parents and 2 older sisters. They are all very happy for me that I've finally found what I'd been searching for. My life is complete.

No tips today. Just be happy.

Glass half full or half empty?

As you can see, I did my updated bathing suit pictures. My hour glass figure is coming back and the back fat is gone! My belly and thighs still need a lot of work, but I've come a long way compared to Thing 1 and Thing 2

I'm at the half way point of the Waist Watchers competition. This last week the pounds have been coming off quickly! How did I celebrate? I ate a bowl of Capn' Crunch, a 6 inch Italian BMT from Subway, and a can of Dr. Pepper. No, I don't recommend celebrating this way. This is another one of those do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do times. I'll work it off later today, I promise!

I'm still following the Sexy Meal Plan (formerly the Dreaded Meal Plan) as closely as possible (ok, except for today). Last night I had a spoonful of my yummy mashed potatoes and 2 spoonfuls of long grain wild rice and a salad. I've added salads back in and am allowing myself 1 tablespoon of salad dressing. I either use Vidalia Onion or Light Italian. I top it with 1/3 of a can of plain tuna and it fills me up without any sides.

I think doing the Core Rhythms DVD every day has helped a lot. I put more into it each time I watch it and sweat more, too. I just ordered another dance DVD so we'll see how much I like it. After I try it, I'll let you know. It's Crunch Go Go dancing so it should be fun! Another thing that has helped is my iPod. It has become a permanent attachment to my head. I listen to it pretty much all day and dance around like the big dork that I am while I do dishes, laundry, and pick up around the house. Some of you remember me referring to this as Club Clean. I LOVE Club Clean! I get exercise, my house gets cleaned, AND I have a blast doing it.

I should be strength training more though. I can't seem to put cardio and strength training together. When I train, I hate cardio. When I do cardio, I hate training. Wall squats with my stability ball aren't too bad so I try to do those. While I'm waiting for dinner to cook, I'll do counter pushups. Carson wanted to play Wii bowling the other night so I played with him. The problem is that he's only 5 and has a short attention span. He spends more time setting the game up and insisting that we each play a guest as well as ourselves, than he does playing. He'll bowl a few times then tell me he's tired. This worked to my advantage though. I took Carson's remote and did alternating lunges with each turn. That was two days ago and my rear is still sore!

So as of this morning, I weighed 121.8. Yay! I think getting to Douglas's goal for me is totally doable. I have until May 6th to lose 11.8 pounds. Seeing as I've lost 18.2 pounds since the middle of January, 11.8 pounds doesn't seem so much. But what's that saying? The last five pounds are the hardest? Well, I'll let you know if that's true in 6.8 pounds.

Slacker Fattie Tip – Find something you love to do and incorporate it into an exercise. I've also started sitting on my stability ball while I chat with the 9 to 5 Ladies (with my iPod on of course) and bouncing/boogieing while typing. I finally found a way to sit on my butt and exercise!

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – here's another recipe from fitnessmagazine.com:

Wheat Germ Carrot Muffins (oh, so yummy!)
They're 226 calories each so drink a glass of water with one and that's your breakfast for the day.

Ingredients:
* Nonstick cooking spray
* 1 cup golden raisins or dried currants
* 2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1/3 cup toasted wheat germ
* 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
* 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
* 1 beaten egg
* 1 1/4 cups buttermilk
* 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
* 1/4 cup cooking oil
* 1 cup shredded carrot

Directions:
Lightly coat twelve 2 1/2-inch muffin cups with cooking spray; set aside. In a small bowl pour boiling water over raisins to cover; set aside.

In a medium bowl combine the flour, wheat germ, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. Make a well in the center of flour mixture.

In a small bowl combine the egg, buttermilk, brown sugar, and oil. Add the egg mixture all at once to flour mixture. Stir just until moistened (batter should be lumpy). Drain raisins. Gently fold raisins and carrot into batter.

Spoon batter into the prepared muffin cups, filling each about three-fourths full.
Bake in a 400° oven about 20 minutes or until golden brown. Cool in pan on a wire rack for 5 minutes. Remove from muffin cups. Serve warm.

This morning...I love my scale

I've been working harder the last several days because I have 3 big things coming up. It's the midway point for Waist Watchers (though I don't think they're going to ask us to come to the station, now), it's the one year anniversary for when I met my biological parents, and my girlfriends and I are having a sleepover (you're NEVER too old for one).

I've been getting in at least 2 and sometimes 3 cardios every day and sticking close to the Sexy Meal Plan (formerly the Dreaded Meal Plan). My hard work is finally paying off. Hubby said he's noticed a difference and a friend of ours said he could tell I had lost weight. Yesterday, Carson gave me a hug and did his usual squishy fat test...he said it was smaller!! AND! I got catcalls from the garbage men (which, at least my girlfriends said counted, Douglas just said "It's a start."). The best part is I FEEL thinner.

So, why do I love my scale? I'll tell you! I bought it not long after we moved, about two years ago. I chose it very carefully liking how I could program it to keep track of my weight. It also computes my BMI but since I've remained in the safe range, I don't pay much attention to that. My original weight was 123.8. That wonderful number popped up with an "up" arrow while my weight climbed. The past couple of months the arrow has been pointing down. This morning I got on the scale and held my breath.

Oh, wait, I need to tell you this first. You really shouldn't weigh yourself every day. At the most, every week, but it's best to weigh yourself once a month, in the morning and in your birthday suit. Weight will fluctuate and weighing yourself everyday can make you frustrated and more likely cause you to give up. I know, I should follow my own advice, but this is one of those "do as I say not as I do" moments. Don't worry; my kids have to deal with that all the time.

Oh, back to my scale. So I got on and held my breath. You know, actually, measuring yourself is better especially if you are weight training (haha, do you feel like you're watching American Idol?). Muscle weighs more than fat. I've noticed some moms in the Sexy by Summer contest who are weight training and are frustrated because they're not losing weight. I do both. And I measured this morning again after getting off the scale. Are you ready for the results now? Are you sure?

Ok, no more suspense..........(insert drum role here)..............123.4!!!! Yay! Go me! Go me! Go me! Ahhh… and the measurements? Since March 1st, I've lost a total of ..............(insert second drum roll here)................8 inches! Oh, yeah, that's right. Eight! Count 'em – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Eight. Since the beginning of Waist Watchers in February, I've lost 12.2 pounds. But, since the beginning of Sexy by Summer in January, I've lost 15.6 pounds! I'm really very proud of myself. I can't wait to strut my stuff into AnyTime Fitness for my next training session. Douglas hasn't seen me since I weighed 128 pounds. We'll see if he notices!

Slacker Fattie Tip – Slow and steady wins the race. I'm NOT a patient person. I wanted the weight off quickly. That doesn't happen. It takes hard work, dedication, and most of all TIME. Keep working and it will happen!

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – Grill and Mrs. Dash. These are now two things I can't live without. I grill veggies and meats on my little George Foreman grill and season them with Mrs. Dash which has no salt or MSG. I love chicken breast, tuna (yes, I grill it even though it's out of the can), hamburgers (4% fat), onions, zucchini, broccoli, carrots, and cauliflower. Yummy!

Self Esteem

This is something I didn't have for most of my life. I'm no super model but I'm not ugly either. I never thought I was pretty or attractive. Whenever I would tell someone I had low self-esteem they would always ask, "Why?"

The first reason is something a lot of people deal with. Junior high (or middle school) is a very delicate time for pre-teens and teens. My experience was horrible. There were two girls who were very mean to me. They would say mean things, talk about me behind my back, and spread rumors about things I didn't do (some of which I didn't even know what they meant, yet). One of these mean girls caught me after dance and drill practice one day. I was by myself and she approached me with 2 of her friends. She had a lump of clay in her hand, broke off little pieces of it, and threw it in my face. They spent about five minutes doing this and calling me awful names. I was terrified that they were going to beat me up. Eventually they got bored and walked away. I cried all the way home (it's really hard to ride a bike while crying, I don't recommend it).

The other mean girl would make fun of my clothes, my hair, and my choice of friends. I've since learned that Molly Ringwald's character "Andy" in the movie Pretty In Pink wasn't the best choice of a roll model while in junior high. I'd wear blue Converse with a denim skirt. I spray painted a pair of my ballet shoes silver and wore them to school. I used my Swatch watch as a pony tail holder. I didn't want to be the preppy Polo-wearing, sock-scruncher, preppy upper middleclass snob a lot of the other girls at school were. I wanted to be my own person. I was friends with everyone – jocks, cheerleaders, dancers (drill team, not pole), metal heads, dorks, nerds, surfers, even the skinheads (which was a little weird since one of my best friends was black & he's still one of my BFF's). I had books dropped on my head on purpose, so the dean gave me a middle locker. Seventh graders had bottom lockers, 8th graders had middle lockers and 9th graders had top lockers. Someone taped a roach to my middle locker (it's Florida, too easy to find a roach). I was then moved to another middle locker, but that one was targeted, too. Fortunately, my 9th grade friend let me share his locker. He was a tall, cute surfer. No one was going to mess with his locker!

The second reason I had low self-esteem was because I was adopted. It had nothing to do with how I was being raised. I just felt lost. Like something was missing. I didn't really know who I was.

Wow, I thought the first reason would be easier to explain than this one! But, that about sums it up.

Last year, two big things changed for me and allowed me to gain a lot of self confidence.

The first was meeting my biological parents in March of 2008. Seeing my biological mom and dad, meeting them and knowing where I came from helped tremendously. I could see where I got my eye color, know why my hair was brown and I why I was short (both of them are short so I didn't stand a chance). These little things that so many people take for granted made such a huge impact on my life, both negatively and positively. I felt whole for the first time. The little empty spot in my heart was finally filled. I found the part of me that was missing. I discovered who I was. Ok, wow again. I thought this would be much longer. Hmmmm. There's really not much more to say about it other than finding my biological parents was something I needed to do and my life has been much better since I met them.

Last Fall, I was able to do another thing that needed to be done. What happened to me in junior high with the mean girls, affected me ever since. When I joined Facebook, I joined another site someone had set up that was just for those of us who went to the same high school. Not long after joining, a name popped up – it was the lesser of the two mean girls. I think she requested me as a “friend” first. She was cordial and asked how I’d been. I could have responded several different ways. I chose to tell her that before I could be friendly, I needed to tell her how her bullying affected me in a very negative way ever since.

The most powerful words I wrote were, "I forgive you."

I didn't need a response from her. Oh, the incredible feeling that came over me!! I felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders!! It was unbelievable!!! (Sorry, Kris, the extra exclamations are needed here!) She did write back and though she didn't remember what she'd specifically done, she apologized and said that she acted that way because of her own self-esteem problems. We have since become friends, not close, but friends nonetheless.

Looking back, I'm angry. Not at her. At myself. I'm angry that I allowed someone to have that much power over me. I couldn't do much about my adoption problems but I didn't have to allow someone to make me feel the way those girls made me feel. I look back at old junior high and high school pictures and see that I was pretty (well, not always in junior high but I was in high school, dammit!).

I lost a bit of that self-esteem when I gained 20 pounds a few months ago. But with the two weight loss competitions I'm in, I'm gaining it back, the self esteem not weight. Yesterday, I actually went out in public in my bathing suit. Yup, the same one pictured in the Thing 1 and Thing 2 post. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I've lost enough weight that I can lay on the beach in a bikini and not be embarrassed. That little milestone gave me a big esteem boost. And, the cute guy with the boat didn't hurt either!

Slacker Fattie tip- Relax. Take a day. ONE day. Do nothing unless you really feel compelled to. Yesterday I took the kids to a lake with a little beach. I got some sun, the kids had fun, and I finally felt ok to wear my bathing suit without covering up in a snow suit.

Sexy Meal tip- Relaxing does NOT mean taking a day to eat whatever you want. Stick with your plan, whatever it is. You can have one small indulgance. SMALL. If you over do it, you'll feel like crap tomorrow AND be filled with regret.

It's ok to fall off the horse...

as long as you get back on. I haven't necessarily fallen off, I'm just kind of hanging off to the side a bit. Like my foot is caught in the stirrup and doesn't want to let go. This is ok, as long as my foot doesn't slip. And it's not going to slip because I'm not going to let it. I'm going to use every ounce of strength in my wimpy little arms to pull myself back upright.

Just about everyone who is trying to lose weight has set backs. I haven't had one in a while. I'm just not moving forward as much as I'd like to be. Not yet a plateau, though. Originally, I thought the Dreaded Meal Plan (now called the Sexy Meal Plan) would be the hardest part. I thought three 30 minute cardio sessions a day would be a piece of cake. Boy was I wrong! I finally do at least one and usually two a day. It's a rare day that I manage to squeeze in three. But I need to make sure I do three or I will plateau. The all important strength training three times a week is a must, as well.

Once I got through the first 2 weeks of my newly revised meal plan (remember, meal plan, NOT diet) I found I didn't miss a lot of the foods I knew I couldn't live without. I grew up on Frosted Flakes, Fruity Pebbles, Cocoa Puffs, and Cap'n Crunch with whole milk. I'll probably have a bowl every once in a while for old times sake but won't go back to eating it every day after these competitions are over. I don't miss Rice-a-Roni or pasta. I do miss a good bread, though and pancakes, and waffles, and ham, and soup, and , and.......

Ok, I'm back on the horse again. My butt is securely in the saddle. I've wavered off and on the meal plan and exercising the past couple of weeks. It's time to kick things up a notch since I'm on the down side of the Waist Watchers Contest as of this Wednesday. My cyber friends are going to have to miss me a bit. My cyber family will wonder where I've gone. My blogs may be shorter or written in the wee hours of the night or morning (hopefully they'll make sense). I have until May 6th to make as big of a difference in myself as possible. I can do it. I know I can. Feel free to ask me if I've done all three of my cardios. Comment and ask what I've eaten. I'll tell you honestly. Why? Because if I lie, I'm only cheating myself. And lying to you. How can I be a good roll model if I lie to you? I've made myself accountable to you, Hubby, my trainer Douglas, my friends, family, and most importantly, to myself. I can and will do this.

Slacker Fattie tip- Get up. Right now. That's right, I said, "GET UP!" Go move for 30 minutes. Walk in place. Jog in place. Put on some music and shake what you're mamma gave you. Go on a bike ride. Oh, or you could borrow my friend Melissa's, son. She's offered to rent him out to you if you don't have your own kids to chase around outside. Just make sure you return him in the condition you received him (or close to it). I'm getting up off my butt, too, right now.

Sexy Meal Plan tip- I don't fry anything (ok, except for the chicken and hush puppies I made tonight, but only because Hubby grew up on good Southern cooking and it's not his fault he married a Yankee girl). I will lightly sautée in Extra Virgin Olive Oil or a bit of butter, or canola oil but I do NOT drown food in vegetable oil. Yuck. No frying, got it? Hubby only gets fried chicken about once every three months so I hope he enjoyed it.

PS Updated Thing 1 and Thing 2 pictures will be done of Friday. I hope you see a difference.

I <3 my pc, my friends are in there!

I admit it. I'm an addict. My name is Katie and I'm addicted to my computer. My friends and family are in there, honest! I "see" and talk to them every day....ALL day.

I became an addict about a year ago. I decided to start searching for my biological mom after taking some time off (it's emotionally exhausting). Santa brought the kids a computer for Christmas and we put it in the dining/playroom. This made it easier for me to monitor what the older 2 were doing on the computer. It also made it easier for me to search online while keeping an eye on the younger two.

Once again, I joined Soaring Angels on Yahoo groups and registered on every free adoption registry I could find. After getting my biological parents’ names, I was able to start searching for every tiny bit of information on them (kind of scary when you find out how much info is actually on the internet). This led to me creating a MySpace account so I could share pictures of me and my kids before meeting Cindi and Louis. This led to me adding my bio mom, my sisters, brothers, aunts and cousins as “MySpace friends” as we all began getting to know each other. My computer time increased as I was making my page pretty and reflecting my mood, personality, or whatever I was interested in at the moment. I was constantly adding pictures and checking out what new pictures my family had. Take away my computer, and you take away my family.

I tried to get my high school friend, Kris, to create a MySpace but she planted her foot down and said she was happy with Facebook. Sooooo, I joined Facebook. Holy crap! Talk about addictive. She had been pretty much invisible on there using it mostly for the kids in her youth group. Then she added me. On FB, every person who ever spotted you in a grocery store, said "hi" in passing in the hallway at high school, sat behind you in a class in junior high and/or pulled your pigtails in elementary school is on there. And they will find you and your "friends". Sorry, Kris!

By the time I deleted my account I had 200 "friends." If they had an email address, I added it to my yahoo email contacts. I discovered who really wanted to find me, who wanted to know how my life was compared to theirs, and who just wanted more "friends" to their list. I found some old friends that I was so excited to reconnect with and we still stay in contact through email. One grew up across the street from me and now lives here in Tampa! We get our kids together for play dates while we play catch-up.

One of the best things to come out of my short stint with FB was finding 2 other friends Melissa and Beth, both from high school. We weren't that close then, but boy are we close now! We email each other all day. So much so, that if I go exercise for 30 minutes, I come back and have 20+ new messages! I got tired of typing in their addresses so they are now in the group I call "9 to 5 Ladies" because this is when we email the most. After 5pm, we switch to texting! We offer each other advice, support, laughs and tears. Take away my computer, and you take away my friends.

Sometimes, Carson and Maisie want a turn on the computer. I use this time to tidy the playroom, do dishes, vacuum, exercise, etc. Ok, not always. Santa brought Kelly and Reyna laptops, so I'll load the dishwasher and then check my inbox on the lap top. Switch the laundry and check my inbox. Boogie on the mini-trampoline with the laptop in front of me so I can – yup – check the inbox!

This is my story. I'll see you at next week's meeting unless I need to attend another one in-between. Off to do the dishes – well, after I check my inbox!

Slacker Fattie Tip – This actually comes from my friend, Kim, who always has great exercise and nutrition tips for me when we get together. I have knee pain from all the dancing I did when I was younger (tap, jazz and modern just to clarify). Kim suggested working on my quads (why are squats the cure for everything?) and doing the standing quad stretch – where you pull your foot behind you to kick yourself in the butt. For my lower back pain, she suggested stretching my hamstrings which Hubby helps me do because I don't go down far enough when I do it by myself (cuz it hurts!).

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – Search the internet for low calorie recipes. Fitnessmagazine.com has a ton and I’ve tried several of them. It's helped me find new exciting foods to try and helped me discover there are cheeses other than mozzarella, cheddar and American (which Kristi keeps trying to tell me).

Suddenly Siblings

I told you about my moms. I told you about my dads. What’s next? My siblings! I'm touching on this topic in between fitness/weight loss posts because this time last year, I was given the names of my birth parents after a 17 year search.

For 33 years, I had two older sisters whom I love very much. Although we were not very close, I knew that if I ever needed them, they would be there for me, and vice versa. If I needed advice, I knew they would give it to me. If I wanted to be annoying, I'd go out to the pool where they were with all their friends and look oh-so-adorable. We fought for the front seat (before air bags and seat belt laws), did the "Mooooom, she's looking at me!" at breakfast, played license plate ABC's on vacations, and spent countless hours at the beach. Me and my 2 sisters.

We are all grown up with kids of our own now. They are both very supportive of me finding my biological families. Although I now have new siblings, my adopted sisters will always be my real sisters. I will always love them, my 3 nephews and niece very much.

The number of siblings, nephews, and nieces changed a year ago. The day I met my biological mom, I also met her 2 daughters & my 1/2 sisters. After chatting for a few hours, the older one asked if Carson would be interested in being the ring bearer in her wedding. A few minutes later, she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was so touched and said "Yes" immediately. Since I never allowed myself to think beyond my bio mom opening the door, I never allowed myself to think if I'd be accepted by my 1/2 siblings (which I think of as whole, not half).

My little sister was quiet that day and was just taking everything in. My sisters didn't know about me until earlier that day. I also met my niece and my almost brother-in-law. The baby was still growing in the older sister's belly at the time (I was on speaker phone when he came out, though!). It was such a surreal moment meeting my biological mother, step-dad, and their daughters – my family by blood.

The only sibling missing that day was my brother who was at a wedding with his wife. My poor brother had no idea his new 1/2 sister was meeting the whole family until he came home the next day. Minutes after our mom showed him my letter he was on the phone anxious to speak with me, a complete stranger! We spent at least 30 minutes chatting non-stop. My kids were growing antsy, though, as we were at the Aquarium in downtown Tampa. As much as I hated to, I had to hang up with my little brother (well, not little since he towers over me). Also, I can't leave out my biological step-sister (are you confused yet?) and her two beautiful daughters who I met last September at the wedding.

So, here's the totals so far: 4 sisters, one step-sister, 1 brother, 2 nieces, 4 nephews (1 from Hubby's sister), and 2 step-nieces.

Then there are my bio dad's children. He told his daughter about me and she immediately added me to her friends list on MySpace (as did my other sisters and brother). She invited me to her wedding (which, sadly I had to miss) and we got to know each other through hundreds of MySpace messages and pictures. She even asked my opinion on baby names before she had her son! My bio dad also has two sons. I haven't had the opportunity to get to know either of them as the youngest is usually working when I'm in town and the other is in the Marines. My bio dad emailed his oldest son around April Fool's Day. He thought it was a good joke, suddenly having an older sister pop up...surprise! It wasn't. I hope that one day we will find time to sit down and talk and get to know each other.

So the grand total for siblings and their kids (my brother on my bio mom's side had a baby, too): 6 sisters, 3 brothers, 1 step-sister, 2 nieces, 7 nephews, and 2 step-nieces. Whew! I think I got everybody.

I could never see past finding my biological parents – two people. I never imagined all the biological family members that I would also get to meet one day. In the end, I now have more sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews… who are all real to me.

Slacker Fattie Tip – If you have kids, take them outside to play, and play with them. It's great exercise and a wonderful bonding experience. If you don't have kids, borrow someone else's. Just remember to give them back when you're finished.

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – Try this sandwich from fitnessmagazine.com....yum

my!
Herbed Cheese & Tomato Sandwich

Ingredients:
* 6 ounces low-fat cottage cheese
* 1 garlic clove, minced
* 2 tablespoons chopped fresh chives
* Dash of salt and pepper
* 1 whole-grain bagel
* 4 slices tomato
* 1 orange
Place cottage cheese in blender and puree until smooth. Stir in garlic, chives, salt, and pepper. Spread mixture on bagel and top with tomato slices. Eat with orange.

Technology, fitness, and me

I try to get to AnyTime Fitness at least 3 times a week but with my schedule of 3 cardios a day, that means I have to find other ways to exercise. If you have a treadmill, elliptical, etc at home that's great! I don't, so I have to get creative so my body doesn't get bored and plateau.

When I'm not strength training with Douglas, I use fitnessmagazine.com. I find TONS of different exercises to target all areas of my body. My favorite are any of the video exercises like "Get Tank Top Toned" or "Look Sexy in Shorts." These are much easier for me because I can see exactly what I'm supposed to do. For those of you who are not visual learners, you'll be able to use the written exercises as well. I usually wind up reading them five times, saying, "Huh?" and find a video instead.

In the playroom/dining (makes 1 giant playroom) alone, we have 3 tv's, 3 DVD players and one VCR. Can I use any of them? No. I was getting frustrated because I have several FitTV shows recorded on the DVR but Maisie and Carson are always watching their cartoons. This is why I brought out their little TV from their room. I was allowed to use it at first, but then Maisie took it over. If I try to put in an exercise DVD, all hell breaks loose even if she wasn't watching it! I tried their portable DVD player, but of course, it wouldn't read my DVD. The VCR is hooked to their big TV, so there goes my Billy Blanks Tae Bo video. I've been trying so hard, after my regrouping, to get in 3 cardios especially with the Waist Watchers 1/2 way point coming up. I got creative....for me. I took my Core Rhythms DVD (no more sit-ups for me!) and put it in the computer for my first workout of the day. It worked!! The best part? Both kids came over to watch it. With both of their TV's playing different cartoons. What the heck?

What about the 3rd TV, you ask? That's for the Wii. Poor Reyna lost her TV since Cartoon TV can't be used for the Wii. Wii TV will sit their all day, not being used UNTIL, I decide to play. Don't get me wrong, our Wii gets played every day. But many times, no one wants to play until I get on. As I've mentioned before, I don't play Wii like a lot of people do. We have Beach Sports, Winter Sports, Tiger Woods Golf, some Sponge Bob game and the game it came with. When I bowl, I do the whole lunge thing like I'm in a bowling alley. Great butt and thigh workout. When I play tennis, look out! I have to clear the dining room of all toys and small children. I'm all over the place and always set it to play best of 5 sets. Before each serve and in between sets, I jump like I'm jumping rope. When I play beach volleyball, it is pure entertainment for my kids. Last night I put on my ipod, turned on beach volleyball, chose 5 sets and prepared for my 3rd cardio of the day (second was jogging in place for 30 minutes which I need to stop doing as it kills my poor dancer-knees). Deep squats, high jumps followed by side kicks, and imaginary rope jumping in between each serve had me sweating and close to an exercise headache (which I get when I overdo it) 40 minutes later. This would make more sense if I could attach a video but technology and I don't mix well so do your best to imagine a 35 year old mom jumping and flopping every where while booty dancing and jumping with an imaginary rope.

Oh, and I can't forget about my "bookmarks." I discovered mini-workouts on youtube one day. I now have a folder for them so I can find them easily when I want short workouts. I love the Zumba, salsa dancing and thigh workouts. I still need to buy another hula-hoop to replace the one my wonderful children took and broke so I can become a master hula-hooper.

Slacker Fattie Tip – Workouts should be fun! Find something that interests you, then do it all out. Make a fool of yourself. Just get up and get moving!

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – Write down everything you eat for the first 30 days of your new change. It helps so much to see what you're eating and what exercises you're doing. I stopped after 30 days because I now have control over myself and what I allow myself to have. Write it down as long as you need to.

In memory of Jennifer...an anorexic

This is going to be a long and difficult, but important post. I'm already in tears. I feel I need to write it though, especially after one of my cousins expressed concern about me and my weight loss.

Jennifer was my next door neighbor, friend and my first babysitting job. She passed away a few years ago from anorexia. She was NEVER fat. Always so skinny even as a little girl. I was shocked when I learned she had anorexia and saddened to learn she'd passed away.

Anorexia is an eating disorder AND a psychological disorder where people starve themselves. They are usually 15% below the normal body weight for their height and age. We see them as overly skinny but they see themselves as fat. It's about control. There are so many things in our lives that are out of our control. For anorexics, eating and exercise are things they have absolute control over.

There are several signs and symptoms of anorexia. They can include:

* not eating in public, not eating, cutting food into tiny pieces
* anxiety and personality disorders
* depression and or social withdrawal
* weakness, fatigue, inability to sleep well
* brittle skin and nails
* shortness of breath
* obsessiveness about calorie intake, food portions, housework, sex, shopping and exercise
* they often fix large meals for others but don't eat what they've fixed

Medical consequences can include:

* shrunken bones
* low body temperature
* irregular heartbeat
* abnormal growth or osteoporosis
* bulimia nervosa
* difficulty conceiving or carrying a baby to term
* constipation and abdominal pain
* potassium deficiency and mineral loss
* electrolyte imbalance from laxatives and vomiting

Causes of anorexia may be:

* demands from family and society
* poor self image
* a fear of growing up (mostly in girls)
* high parental expectations
* poor communication skills
* recent studies are showing possible genetic links and brain dysfunctions as possible causes

Unlike many diseases, anorexia can be treated. It can be overcome. Women sufferers can carry and give birth to healthy babies. Most cases can be treated through outpatient services but some require hospital stays. Just as losing weight healthily, anorexics must gain weight in a healthy way, usually 2-3 pounds a week. Individual, group and family therapy are all highly recommended as there is usually an underlying problem which caused the anorexia. Proper nutrition education is important as well. Some may choose antidepressants to help with moods and anxiety.

One percent of teenage girls in the US will develop anorexia. It's seen in many middle and upper economic classes and many are athletes, dancers, models and actors. One percent may seem like a small number, but of that 1%, up to 10% may die from the disorder. The most common causes of death are cardiac arrest, electrolyte imbalance and suicide.

We can blame society, but it's up to parents to be the most positive role models for their children. My cousin was afraid of the impact I was making on my children when she was afraid I was becoming anorexic. I could never be anorexic. I like to eat too much! I could never be bulimic either. After being pregnant 5 times, I have no desire to throw up on purpose. I and my family joke about me being fat but we understand that I am not fat, nor do I view myself as fat. I was over weight for me and was uncomfortable. I am not on a diet. I am on a healthy meal plan. They see me eating healthy and exercising. I've spoken with them about making healthier food choices and cutting back on chips and cookies. We've discussed obesity, diabetes, anorexia, bulimia and clogged arteries.

I am in no danger of becoming anorexic. I am very aware of what I eat and the exercises I do, not as something to control, but as a way to become healthier. I want my children to be healthy, too. Kelly and Reyna look at those stick figure models as ugly and unhealthy. We saw a little boy at Busch Gardens on Saturday who was the same age and height as Maisie. He had to of weighed at least twice as much. We were very sad for him and his overweight parents. Neither of my older girls have any desire to look like a stick figure OR a rollie-pollie. It's MY responsibility as a parent to make sure they have that type of attitude. It's MY responsibility to see that my children eat healthy and get plenty of exercise. If you ask them who their role models are, they will tell you me and their dad.

While researching this topic, I came upon a site where girls posted about their anorexia. They are proud of their disease and how they look. They boasted about trying on size 0 jeans and them being too big. I read two posts and started crying. I only read one page. It was all I could stand. I wanted so much to give each of those girls a hug. I decided not to include the link. I'm not sure if you have to become a member to post but my fear was that people would go on there and say mean and nasty things to those girls. Negative comments will not help them. I cannot help them in any way except to pray for them. I can only help my own children. Their family and friends are the only ones who can help those girls.

Instead of tips today, I want you to look at yourselves and your families. Are you making healthy choices? Do you see anyone in danger of developing an eating disorder? Open your eyes and look deep inside yourselves as well as paying close attention to those you love and care for.

reference sites:
www.medicinenet.com/anorexia_nervosa/article.htm
www.mamashealth.com/anorexia.asp

Dad cubed

Yesterday I shared with you about both of my moms. Today, I thought I'd share with you about my dads. All 3 of them.

Daddy is my real dad. He's the one who took me fishing under the Eau Gallie bridge. He’s the one who let me snuggle with him in his recliner that only he sat in. He's the dad who cheered me on at soccer games and quietly took pictures of me at my dance recitals. Daddy is the one who taught me how to ride a bike and drive a car. He's the one who rushed me to the ER when I got in my 2nd car accident (neither were my fault). He's the dad who taught me to flip my head over when I was blow drying my hair, it was quicker (a tip I've since passed onto my daughters).

Daddy is the one who gave me away on my wedding day even though as we stood at the top of the stairs I said, "Daddy, don't give me away." After 16 years of marriage, he's still my Daddy. He's the dad who was happy and proud each of the 5 times I made him a Bubby (grandpa). He's the dad who, like my mom, knew what Hubby and I were going through when we lost Jacob. He's the dad who
wanted a little girl so much after losing his own son. Daddy is the dad who still lets me snuggle on his lap in his recliner (not the same one) that only he sits in. He's also the dad who reads to my children in that same chair. He's my real Daddy.

Then there's my biological dad. He's the dad who sent me an email minutes after he received the letter I sent him letting him know who I was. He's the dad who said these first words to me that I'll never forget – "I've been wondering for the last 5 years if I would receive a letter like this." No words can express the joy in my heart knowing he'd thought of me. He's the dad who has learned to accept my hugs because I'll never stop giving them. He's the one who drove 2 1/2 hours so I could spend our first Father's Day with him and drove another 2 1/2 hours to watch Kelly perform at a football game, then take my family out to lunch the next day. He's the dad who sneaks money to my kids knowing they love him even if he didn't spoil them. My bio dad is the dad who wants to get to know me unlike so many biological dads and he's real, to me.

Then there's my step-dad. Well, he is my biological step-dad. He's the dad who isn't technically my dad in any way but accepted me as his daughter from the moment my bio mom received my letter. He's the dad who loves me as he loves his daughters, my sisters. He's the dad who pokes fun at me just like my other dads. He's the one who greets me with a hug like I've been in his life all along. He's the dad who, 3 months before my letter came, agreed to help my bio mom look for me without hesitation. He's the dad who calmed me down after my youngest sister got in a car accident coming home from visiting me. My step-dad is the dad who supported my mom when she told him about me and never judged her for the decision she made. He is my step-dad and is real, to me.

I am blessed to have 3 dads who all love me and care about me. Most adoptees are very lucky to find their biological mothers. Some are lucky to be accepted. Few ever find or are accepted by their biological fathers. This is another reason mine is a Fairytale story.

Slacker Fattie Tip – If you gain back some of the weight you lost this is not an excuse to throw in the towel. Use it, instead, as motivation to work harder. A week and a half ago I gained back 3 pounds. It made me mad and I fought hard to lose it, as well as another pound.

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – Have chicken and veggies for breakfast. I got tired of eating egg whites and oatmeal so I tried this. Who said you had to eat chicken only for dinner? It's your meal plan (remember, not diet, meal plan). You decided what you eat and when, no matter how weird people think you've become.

Blessed

A life-changing event occurred a year ago although I can't believe that much time has gone by already. It was something I never thought would happen. I dreamt about it, wrote about it, cried about it and was angry about it. A year ago today, I had no idea my life was about to change forever.

A year ago today, I was still spending countless hours on the computer searching for my biological mother. I had what is called "non-identifying information" but I wanted more. I knew what color hair she had (brown, like mine), what color eyes she had (hazel, like mine), what her build was (medium height and weight, like mine). I knew what year she was born and what area of the country (Southern Gulf Coast state was as specific as DCF would get). I knew how old she was when she had me, what religion her family was, that she had a little brother and that her dad was in a branch of the Armed Forces (Air Force).

What I didn’t know was her name. I didn’t know if she was married. I didn’t know if she had more kids and if they knew about me. I did not know if she ever thought about me.

When I would tell people that I was adopted, the first question they would ask is, "Do you want to find your real mom?" I knew who my real mom was. She's the woman who tucked me in at night. The one who kissed my hundreds of scrapes and bruises during my tomboy phase. She's the woman who read me stories every night and fixed me breakfast every morning. She's the one who yelled at me when I was in trouble and held me when I got my heart broken. She's the one who sat up worrying until she heard my car pull safely in the driveway and saw me walk unharmed through the front door. She's the one responsible for who I am today and who listens to me apologize for the person I used to be while I was growing up. The one who helped me get ready the day I got married. My real mom is the woman who squeezed my hand and cried with me when I buried my son, knowing exactly how I felt because she'd buried her own. Barbara IS my real mom.

A year ago, I found my other mom. My biological mom. The mom who was forced to give me to a family who could take care of me because she was unable to take care of me herself. She was the one who nurtured me and cared for me as I grew inside her womb. She's the one who had to leave the hospital empty-handed and brokenhearted. She's the woman who had to make one of the hardest decisions of her life. She's the woman who, I now know, thought of me every day. Who never stopped loving me. The woman who wanted to find me as much as I wanted to find her. My biological mom is, after finally meeting her, real to me.

I feel very fortunate. Not all adoptees are placed in such loving homes. Not all adoptees are accepted wholeheartedly by their biological moms. I have the best of both worlds. I was blessed with a Fairytale adoption story. I am blessed to be loved by 2 moms.

To be continued.....

Slacker Fattie Tip – When you're cleaning or folding laundry, put on some music. Plug your iPod into your head or play the radio. Listen to your favorite CD. Most importantly, dance. Dance like you've never danced before. No one's watching so live it up. I work up a sweat, get my housework done and have fun doing it.

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – Although cheese is not on my meal plan, I allow myself to have it once a week melted over steamed veggies. It's only 60 calories and keeps me from eating a slice of pizza when my kids order out.

Taking time to regroup

I need to regroup. I'm not used to long term goals. I have recently started setting short term goals which I suggested earlier. Today was a hard day and I decided I need to take a break. These weight loss challenges have consumed my life. It's all I think about. It's all I talk about. I'm surprised my poor friends haven't kicked me out of our emailing group. Instead of telling me to shut up and get over myself, they look at my Sexy Meal Plan and give me suggestions to liven it up some.

I'm learning that short breaks are needed when achieving long term goals. This does not mean that I'm going to go crazy. I'm not going to eat a bunch of junk food or sit around on my butt all weekend. I will still stick close to my plan, but if I see a small snack that I really want, I'm going to eat it. Like my friend Kris says, “Everything in moderation” (I hope I got that right). In her opinion, if I don't ever allow myself a small taste of things I love to eat, I'll be more tempted to overdo it and pig out.

Most of my day was going pretty well. Nothing exciting but our email group was providing me with lots of laughs. Carson and Maisie wanted to go outside as it was a beautiful day. Then I got a phone call from the Office of Vital Statistics. I knew it couldn't be good. It never is when they call or send me mail. Here's a little background as to why they were calling:

I was adopted at birth by 2 amazingly wonderful, loving parents. I grew up knowing I was adopted and wondered all the time who my biological parents were and if they ever thought of me. I started searching at 18 (the legal age for Florida). I'll elaborate another time, but for now, you're getting the Cliff's Notes version. Last March, after searching for 17 years, I finally found them. This meant, among many other things, that I could get my original birth certificate (OBC).

First, I had to send in 3 notarized forms stating that everyone agreed it was ok to get my OBC. One from me, one from my adopted parents, and one from my biological mother. I mailed those in. Then I got a letter telling me they needed a copy of my driver's license and money (it's the government, they always want money). So, I sent that in. THEN, I get the call today. Mine and my bio mom's were the wrong forms. WTH?? They couldn't have told me that when they sent the "we need money letter"? It wouldn't be that big of a deal except for the fact that March 29^th is the one year anniversary of meeting for the first time. I really wanted to be able to give my bio mom my OBC, THEN! After crying, yelling and apologizing to the poor woman on the phone, I accepted that she would mail the correct forms out to me. It's not her fault the government doesn't give a rat’s ass about adoptees rights.

So, my dream of doing strength training and 3 cardios today went out the window. Haha! I can hear Douglas right now. "Suck it up and get off your butt." I will. On Monday. If I feel like getting off my butt before then, I will. I'm taking 2 days to myself to regroup. Monday morning, I'll be back and ready for war. Oh, today wasn't a total loss. I did do plies for a minute. (insert very happy, sarcastic smiley, face, here)

My short term goal is to lose as much as possible by March 25th. This is supposed to be our midway point for the Waist Watchers contest and Channel 10 is having the contestants come on the news to see how everyone is doing. I can make a difference in a week. I know I can. I have faith in myself. I also have a wonderful support system. My email group will be yelling at me to get off the computer and do cardio. They'll be keeping tabs on what I'm eating. My blog followers will be on the edge of their seats waiting for updates. BTW, if you scroll down to the bottom of the screen, you'll see what's called a ticker. It's supposed to be moving to the right. If you see it move to the left, feel free to send me a nasty comment.

Wow, Kris was right.....again. Writing does help. I'm not in such a crappy mood anymore. Good enough to go play some Wii sports, but not good enough to do Tae Bo. Oh, and in my house, you're not allowed to sit down and play Wii. I sweat when I play.... a lot.

Slacker Fattie Tip – (as inspired by a question from my friend Melissa). If you want to tone, more reps less weight. If you want to look like the Hulk, more weight, less reps (at least that's what several trainers have told me).

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – indulge yourself. Have an Oreo. No, not a whole package. And, no, not a whole row. ONE is not going to kill your newly, healthy, modified meal plan (not diet, meal plan).

PS. I lost another pound so I had to change my ticker from 127 to 126 AND lost 3.75 inches since March 1st. Yay!

Art history lesson

You may have noticed a new feature on here. Look to the right, no, you're other right. There...where it says the art of Gustav Klimt. I love Klimt. If you don't like or appreciate his art, than ignore that cool little gadget. If you like him or are drawn to his art, by all means watch away!

The first time I fell in love with a Klimt painting was in the movie "Dying Young" with Julia Roberts and Campbell Scott (total tearjerker chick flick). Scott's character has cancer and is working on his doctoral thesis in art history. He shows Robert's character a slide show of different works of art. Klimt's The Kiss pops up on the screen and I fall in love. I didn't care much about his other art at the time. I was in love with The Kiss. Hubby even bought it for me for Christmas one year. It's one of my most cherished gifts from him (even though my dad looked at it and thought it was a bullfighter, ummmmm, ok then). Hubby also bought me "Mother and Child" which is actually a portion of a larger painting titled "Three Ages of Women." It's difficult to find the latter. I'm guessing since the old lady is oh-so-not-attractive but the mother and child are beautiful, artsy people decided to crop it. I hope to one day obtain the full painting (reproduction, of course).

Before you Google Klimt, let me tell you about a paper I did on him while studying art history. I think we had the internet then. Wow, I suddenly feel really old. Anyway, I Google or whatever the equivalent was before Google and was shocked at what came up. I'll just say that many of his sketches are not for eyes under the age of 18. If you are offended by nude art, well there goes many of his paintings as well. His models are not like the models of today. They are more like the real women of today, and throughout history. He does have landscapes as well and he used real gold in many of his paintings which I thought was cool.

Well, there's your art history lesson for the day.

Snaps (Legally Blond 2 moment) to my sister-in-law, for not only starting to exercise and eat healthier, but also for helping re-name The Dreaded Meal Plan. You're still kicking my butt on the elliptical! I'm proud of you.

Slacker Fattie Tip – if you don't have time to do a long workout, break it up. Take a 15 minute walk in the morning and one in the afternoon. And no, breaking 5 minutes in half doesn't count!

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – 1 cup grilled veggies with Mrs. Dash sprinkled on top. I use my George Foreman grill. Broccoli, thinly sliced carrots, broccoli, onion, and asparagus are my favs.

To diet or not to diet?

I must be on a Shakespeare kick! To answer the question, don't diet.

I love fate. I wrote this and decided to save it. My creative juices have exploded the last couple of days and I have spare posts hanging around in "drafts." I get updates from yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com in my emails. This article (click on "article" to read it, Aunt Bee!) popped up and I thought it was perfect to stick in here. It says pretty much what I wrote below but, well, they're experts and I'm not so I thought I'd let them have their 2 cents.

Actually you already are dieting. Your diet is simply what you eat every day. Most fad diets don't work because you either get bored or once you lose the weight you go back to how you ate before. I am not a nutritionist nor am I licensed to dish out nutritional advice. Ok, there's my legal disclaimer. Now you can't come back and blame me if things don't work out for you, haha.

My first step in trying to lose weight was to limit the amount of food I consumed. I switched from the standard dinner size plate to a salad plate. And NO you may not go back for seconds. This defeats the purpose of using a smaller plate. Google serving sizes or actually pay attention to what the serving size is on your favorite foods and drinks. A 20 oz bottle of soda is actually 2.5 servings. When you look on the label and see 100 calories you think, "That’s pretty good." Multiply that times 2.5. Uh huh, not so good anymore is it. Next Google calories burned ____insert favorite exercise. Find a site where you can enter your weight since it varies greatly. Now you'll see how much you'll have to exercise to work off that yummy soda you just gulped down. I quickly switched to water.

Next I started writing down everything I ate. EVERYTHING! If you don't write it down, you're only cheating yourself. Boy was I eating a lot! And it was all very yummy! And very unhealthy. Most of it anyway.

By making these small changes, I lost 4 pounds in a month. I walked every once in a while too, but not on a regular basis.

In making baby steps I knew I would be less likely to go back to my bad habits.

Then I met Douglas......

Slacker Fattie Tip – if you have a Wii, use it. You don't need all the extra games. You can burn calories with the fitness game it comes with. In my opinion, playing tennis is about, but a little more active, than playing ping pong. There are lots of sites you can go to and enter your weight and exercise to see how many calories you're burning.

Sexy Meal Plan Tip – I hate oatmeal. Other than egg whites, it's the only "breakfast" item on my meal plan. I top it with a 1/2 cup fresh fruit to mask the taste. For me, it's a very doable way to eat oatmeal.