Monday, June 8, 2009

Looking for a job?

Moms needed (well, not really since the world is already over-populated but whatever) to raise tomorrow's future and for someone to change our diapers during our Golden Years.

Pay: $0

Monthly/yearly bonuses: $0

Overtime: $0

Vacation pay: $0

Insurance available: see current president

Sick time: hahahaha Employees may be paid in snotty, slobbery kisses, germ-infested hugs, occasional "I love you's" (rare) or "Thanks you's" that sound more like "F*#$ you's" (often, especially during the teen years)

Closes- when eggs are all shriveled up, in other words opened continuously or subject to close without notice.

Minimum qualifications- fertile eggs, strong uterus, ability to withstand extreme pain for 1-48 hours straight, ability to go without sleep for days/weeks at a time, excess hair for pulling out during teen years (hair loss products not covered under non-existent insurance plan), graduation from high school a plus but not required, felony convictions allowed, use of alcohol, drugs, or cigarette smoking is discouraged but allowed. Ability to cook, launder clothes, change diapers, drive, and understand calculus a plus but not required.

Present working schedule- 24 hour, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. No time off what-so-ever...EVER. NO vacation time unless all sub-employees come along. NO sick time even if you are on your death bed- dinners must still be cooked and laundry must still be done. All applicants must apply in person (internet conception has yet to be invented but scientists are currently working to correct this problem).


  1. Hey there, happy belated bday...sorry I missed the actual day. It was GK's recital day here and I was doing the stage mom thing. Looks like you have found your niche with the writing - glad you are enjoying it. Love, K

  2. Aww! Send me pictures, please! And thanks. I had a good birthday and I love writing!