Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Why Me?

With all the evil and destruction in the world sometimes I stop and ask “Why Me?”

The first time I asked this question was when I was told my unborn son was going to die. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Why my son? Hasn’t my family suffered enough with the death of my older brother when he was eight? But then I learned something from Jacob’s death and I was able to answer the question. I didn‘t like the answer but at least I had one. Or maybe I just made up an answer to make myself feel better.

Watching the news and seeing the brutal murders, the fatal car accidents, the burglaries, rape, tornadoes, fires, etc. I wonder ‘Why Me?’ Why am I so special that I haven’t had to either go through one of those situations or dealt with one through a close family member or friend. The death of an elderly relative doesn’t count, I don't mean it doesn‘t matter but it happens. It’s just part of the natural process of life. Though I miss Grandma, Pop, my great aunts, and great uncles, they went when it was there time. I didn’t want them to go but they’d lived long lives and were ready.

When I was little a tornado ripped our tree in half but that was all the damage it caused. During the 2004 hurricanes, the cage to our screened in pool was shifted while our neighbors house across the street lost their whole house. Why them and not us?

I’ve had to deal with classmates dying young but they weren’t really close, not the ones like I talked to everyday. When I was in seventh grade the guy I was ‘dating’ (we never really went anywhere) lost his best friend in a motorcycle accident. They were riding side by side. Since I wasn’t that close to Andy plus being so young I didn’t go to the funeral. I was sad but not in a way that I would have been had we been closer. Buy why Andy? He was just a kid.

The summer before eleventh grade a cheerleader was shot and killed by her boyfriend. Unfortunately I was closer to the boyfriend than the cheerleader so I didn’t go to her funeral either. Why Monica? What had she done to deserve such a sick twist of fate?

When my friend Kevin was killed by a drunk driver, I wanted to go to his funeral because we were close in high school. I’d just had surgery and was unable to go. Instead I had to lay in bed and cry, remembering the wonderful times we had together. Why Kevin? Why not the idiot who hit him? Why did that guy walk away?

I’m not complaining so please don’t think that. I feel blessed that I have been spared, for the most part, of being the victim of a violent crime or losing a someone very close to me from one. Or losing everything we own. I’m left with sympathy and compassion for the families and friends who have lost loved ones. For our neighbors who lost their house. For a mom who lost everything when her home burned down on Mother's Day. Why them? Why were they chosen? I don’t know why anyone asks these questions. We won’t ever know the answer. Sometimes I think maybe I’ll find out when I die but then it won’t matter.

I try not to linger on the question but instead take the time to give each of my four children a hug and kiss. I make sure to tell them I love them before I leave the house or before they leave. I never know if, when I tell them good bye I will ever see them again.
With all of that said I’d like to share a rule we have in our family- Never leave angry. Ever. No matter how angry I’ve made Hubby, if he leaves the house I either tell him or text him “I love you.” As mad as he may be at me he tells me he loves me, too.

I don’t really know what the point of this post is. The idea came to me halfway through Mr. Magorium’s Magic Emporium this morning. Maybe this is what people mean when they say, “Food for thought?”

What do you think?

No comments:

Post a Comment