Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Job Descriptions

Every day random things often ping pong around in my head. Last night before I could grab my book and relax in a world of bubbles, the following popped into my head. Snickering to myself I decided to write them down (I’ve learned to keep a pen and notebook next to the tub- you have no idea how many posts have been written in there!)

Here’s my summary of job descriptions:

Dentists- clean teeth, or remove them if you’re an excessive meth user.
Taxi drivers- drive people from point A to point B…often driving to point C, D, E, F, and G just to up the meter time (this only works on tourists, however).
Doctors- make people feel better…or kill them depending on the situation. Lobbyists- sell lobbies.
Lawyers- protect the law…and sometimes, okay many times, find ways around it (see paralegals).
Accountants- spend endless hours trying to figure out what the hell I’ve done with my money, then charge me double once they discover I don’t have any.
Policemen- (or for you politically correct idiots, police people)- put bad people in jail…and pull over everyone except the damn old people who insist on driving twenty miles under the speed limit in the passing lane.
Coroners- get to dig around in your body trying to figure out what idiotic thing you’ve done to make yourself dead.
Paralegals- they do all the digging for the lawyers in order to get the law breaking, people killing, rape molesting, drug pedaling clients off…and get none of the credit.

Politicians- make laws…then try to find ways around them. Hmmmm, funny how so many of them were once lawyers.
OB/GYN’s- they either really love babies or are extremely perverted. After having five kids, I’m hoping all my doctors really loved babies.
Coaches- spend practices telling the kids how important it is to have fun…then spend the whole game yelling about how important it is to win.

Teachers- teach our snot nosed, bratty, misbehaved kids to read, write, and stay on task only to have us screw it all up during the summer by letting them watch TV, play video games, and sleep until noon.

I’m sure more random jobs will pop into my head in the future. When they do you can bet I’ll share them with you!

No comments:

Post a Comment