Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Mom's Job Description

My Job Description post inspired me to write this one about the many jobs we moms do.

Dentist- someone has to teach them how to brush and get that corn-on-the-cob out of their teeth.
Taxi driver- fortunately this stops when they turn 16...on second thought…
- oh, the stuffed animals I’ve stitched up and the countless meds I’ve administered.
- hey someone has to sell all those lobbies.
Lawyer- although I wind up representing both sides.
(or woman for you P.C. people)- the job just before I become a lawyer.
Coroner- for pets, not the kids! This is one of those times when ‘white lies’ are okay.
- someone has to do the research for that stupid science project. Politician- hey, democracy works in our household.
- ONLY in the case of daughters needing feminine hygiene questions answered…unless you have my kid who just Googles them.
- oh, the sore throats I had being a soccer coach and judging by our win/loss record, they sure had a lot of fun.
Teacher- my poor kids are required by us to learn how to read and write before they enter Kindergarten…then there’s that whole homework issue.
- depending on the menu, a cook makes Apple Jacks and a chef makes macaroni and cheese.
Laundress- I so don’t get paid enough to do laundry for 6 people.
Dishwasher- see above.
- see above.
- after the age of five their on their own.
- until we get our MD which happens after kid #2.
Personal dresser
- after age three they’re on their own.
Personal shopper- I don’t think this job ever ends.
Personal assistant- see above.
- for the times they’re too sick or lazy to do their definitions.
Bottle opener- yes, we have the little gadget for this but they somehow can’t figure out how to use it.
Rocking chair
- this job ends when the child is too big for a lap.
- see above.
- either to make them laugh or put them to sleep…mostly mine just laugh. Artist- who knew learning to draw stick figures would come in handy one day? Diaper changer- I changed theirs…one day they’ll have to change mine. Seamstress- if they would quit falling down they wouldn’t have holes in their pants.
- I don’t know why I bother, they just mess it up the second they’re out of my site.
Cheerleader- for the times they’re having fun instead of worrying about winning. Plumber- not my favorite job, G.I. Joe and Polly Pocket did not need to have a Jacuzzi.
Electrician- how many moms does it take to change a light bulb? One! With all we do, changing light bulbs is an easy job.
- I’ve learned the phrase “That’s one of those words that hard to explain…go look it up.”
Counselor- for after the losers and hootchies break my kid‘s hearts.

And my absolute favorites:

Tissue- even though we carry the little packets somehow our clothes work much better.
Food taster- for those “ewww, try this” moments.
- I make sure to stop before the pee in their pants, usually.

And last but certainly not least:

Pudding lid licker- and there are no calories in the pudding on the lid…honest!

Do you have any jobs to add to this list?

1 comment:

  1. even though this is an older entry, i loved reading it! i was trying to make a list of these things for someone and between yours and mine, we've got quite the job description!

    here's some different ones that i had: banker, barber,entertainer, magician, detective, heavy weight lifters (and champions i might add!), storyteller, fashion consultant (which kinda goes with personal dresser & shopper), caterer,what do you call the scientists who know all about bugs?; some sort of insect specialist, mediator (kinda like your lawyer), operator, ecclesiastical adviser/guide, and family groupie.