Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Blogging for Dummies

I should have known that if they have a Breastfeeding for Dummies that there would be a Blogging for Dummies (come on women! We've been sticking our boobs in babies mouths for thousands of years. It's not rocket science.).

Apparently I need to buy the book- not the bre
astfeeding one, been there done that many times. I need the Blogging for Dummies. Like, seven months ago. Just after starting my baby RMS Snowdrop I lost it. Not mentally, I literally lost my blog. I spent two days trying to find it. Hubby and my friend Beth also tried to help me find it. We looked under the bed, in the closet, behind the washer, nothing. My editor was in Austria at the time and I really didn't want to interrupt her vacation by telling her that her computer illiterate friend lost her blog. I even wrote a post about losing it- the blog, not my mind. Oh where are thou blog? was one of my first posts on BloggersBase and for several months held an amazing 9.0. Then some meanies decided to go vote it down. Ppplllbbb! Feel free to go help get it back up! Oh, and here's the update from Oh, Where Out Thou Blog; Recently Crowned Queen of the Dorks which wasn't as well received. (Here's the link on BloggersBase)

Ok, I'm way off track (vote! vote! vote!). So, Kris gets back from vacation and I have to tell her I've lost my blog. I've tried to log in several times and it tells me I have no posts. It's there, somewhere in Internet world but I can't log into it. She tells me to hang on, she'll try to find it. I wait patiently.

Kris: It's right there!

Me: Where?

Kris: I typed in kaytiiangel......and there it was.



Me: Ummmm, oh. That's the email address I used for my blog!

Who the hell allowed me access to a computer? Didn't they know a severe Adult ADD sufferer shouldn't be allowed to use such a complicated machine?

I recently left this comment to this post Top SEO Forums: If I understood what SEO's
were I'd say that's a great list! LOL

A fellow blogger-Dajjal- who obviously has not had billions of brain cells sucked out after giving birth five times left me this very helpful comment: SEO
is tactics for maximizing the search engine rank of your web site or blog. It is based on analysis of search engine algorithms. It involves the use of headers, meta tags,key words, image descriptors and links. Download Web Ceo and try it on your blog.

In the words of Marlin the Clown fish from Finding Nemo- "It's like you're trying to speak to me, I know it." I'm trying to get it, honest!

Fortunately BloggersBase has related posts underneath. I see one that says Intro to SEO Tuesdays by thejimgaudet. I read the post then left this comment: I feel like Marlin when Squirt is explaining how to travel in the East Australian Current in Finding Nemo. Do they make meds for computer illiteracy???....

g Finding Nemo quotes, take a humorous look inside my tiny brain:

Marlin- Look, you're really cute, but I can't understand what you're saying. Say the first thing again. This is how I feel when anyone tried to explain directions to me...for anything.
Crush: Dude? Dude? Focus dude... Dude? I swear I try to focus. It's like I need glasses for my brain.

Crush: ... First you were all like "whoa", and we were like "whoa", and you were like "whoa..." That's about all I hear when you try to explain something foreign to directions to an
ywhere- except the mall, those I would get.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim. What goes through my head when you're on Step 2.

Bob: Hey Marty, calm down.
Marlin: Don't tell me to be calm, pony boy.
Bob: Pony boy?
Bill: You know for a clownfish, he really isn't that funny
Ted: Pity Ok, I added this one just because it has Ted's name in it- our only true comedian on BloggersBase.

Dory: I remembered what it said! I usually forget things, but I remembered it that time! P. Sherman, 4...
Marlin: Wait! What does that mean?
Dory: I don't know. But who cares! Ha ha! I remembered! P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. I remembered it again! How I'll feel if I ever do happen understand the innards of blogging.

Bubbles: Bubbles. Bubbles. My bubbles. Oh, sorry, you were saying?

You can talk about Finding Nemo and not mention this scene so this one is purely for giggles:

Nemo: What's that?
Tad: I know what that is. Sandy Plankton saw one. He called it... uh... he said it was called a "butt".
Pearl: That's a pretty big butt.
[swims out a little]
Sheldon: Oh, look at me. I'm gonna touch the butt.

Sheldon: [gasp] He touched the butt.

Hmmm, how to wrap this up.....well the point was to poke fun at myself about being computer illiterate on the innards of blogging while including quotes from one of my favorite Disney movies that I've watched thousands of times thanks to having four kids.

So, be honest, did it make you laugh? Giggle? Smirk? Upward twitch?

I'm off to attempt to understand SEO's, key words, tags, mega somthing-or-others, HTML's, URL's and any other complicated mumbo jumbo I'm supposed to understand to get RMS Snowdrop off of page 4,567,231 of Google.

No, I didn't actually take the time to see if it was that low of the totem pole-that was just a random number. :)

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